I was shocked to read yesterday that the FEDERAL RESERVE had the time to do a survey. I was also shocked to see a WSJ article in front of the paywall…until I read the article.

Yes, the Federal Reserve took a money printing break and found that 47 PERCENT of Americans would not be able to head to an ATM, cash bitcoins, Paypal, Square, Coupon their way to $400 in order to pay for an emergency.

The Wall Street Journal felt this was not ‘the’ news and ran with a headline that said Americans feel better about their household finances.

Thank goodness the FED money printing has worked. You laugh, but I know this because global debt is up $57 Trillion since 2007.

In response to the great news, Jamie Dimon (JP Morgan CEO) snuck away from the bank teller where he has spent the last 200 days paying billions in fines, to a shareholder meeting to fight for a massive pay raise. He calls anyone that disagrees (likely the 47 percent of people that don’t have $400 lying around) lazy.

And of course, Mary Meeker and her banking cohorts that crashed our economy and led us to this new $57 Trillion in debt, says that millennials are narcissistic.

Luckily the lazy/broke won’t read any of this and the millennials are too busy Ubering, and Netflixing. I myself need to get back to the market and buy more shares in chinese highfliers.

Just another Thursday in 2015.