One of my favorite financial media takedowns comes from Josh Brown. It’s entitled ‘Why Did The Stock Market Selloff Today.

I decided to tackle the same post with their roundup headlines of ‘Why The Stock Markets Rallied Today’. Sadly, most of the headlines are the same, but a few do actually bother to change them:

Wall Street Journal: Tensions in Ukraine and the Crimean peninsula ‘ease’

Yahoo Finance: Putin Backing Down

Fox Business: Reagan

CNBC: Infomercial

Forbes: Taxes are Too High

Huffington Post: Taxes are too low

Fox News: Gay marriage still illegal in Alaska

Motley Fool: Sign up here to find out!

Bloomberg TV: The opposite of whatever CNBC said.

Bloomberg: (pay $24,000 to see why)

Quartz: Chinese shadow-banks lower than we wrote about yesterday

FT Alphaville: Chinese derivatives measured in Rubles

Washington Times: Fallout from explosive Benghazi revelations subside

StockTwits: Here’s a chart

USA Today: Let’s take a poll

DealBook: M&A chatter picks up

Zero Hedge: The market was NOT up.

MSNBC: I’m not sure I’m comfortable with the term “stock market” per se…

Business Insider: Ten reasons, actually (view as single page?)

Financial Times: Please take a moment to register and accept cookies

MarketWatch: 1929 reflex bounce

The Reformed Broker: More buyers than sellers

Buzzfeed Business: It’s like that time on Party of Five when Charlie was giving Julia the silent treatment…

Reuters: HFT

Barron’s: Valuations playing catch up

Investors Business Daily: Increase in momentum. And talks of deficit reduction.

History Channel: Ancient Aliens